As much as I hate to admit it, I have become a fan of reality TV. I’ve recently started watching a show on TLC called “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.” It’s a fascinating look inside an under the radar culture. After just a few episodes, it is crystal clear that there are precisely defined gender roles within a Gypsy marriage. The men make the money, the women are exclusively housewives.
While I’m not naïve enough to imagine that every Gypsy marriage is a happy one, the ones that are shown have love, respect, and longevity, even if the values seem old-fashioned. Gypsy girls are married in their late teens. Their entire life they are brought up with the idea that they are to be a wife, mother, and homemaker; their husbands make the decisions and are exclusively responsible for providing for the family. The women have enough fire in them that I doubt the men make decisions without consulting their wives. I’m torn about the premise of this lifestyle. I can clearly see both the rigid restraints, and the freedom behind such an upbringing.
I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunities that have been afforded to me. I am an attorney, even though I am currently a homemaker. Should something catastrophic happen to my husband, I will not be at the mercy of family, welfare, minimum wage jobs, or feel the need to immediately remarry so that I can take care of myself and my children; I can simply go back to practicing law. I also have no doubts that my education and training help to establish a balance of power in my relationship. I have seen many marriages where the women were virtually at the mercy of their husbands because they had no education or training and could not provide for themselves or their children outside of the marriage. Most of those that I have seen are not happy. The man treats his wife like an indentured servant, and often devalues her. Luckily, this is not the case for me. Jeff is the biggest sweetheart I have ever met.
But the Gypsy girls are groomed for motherhood and homemaking. There is freedom in that as well. If your biggest aspiration is to be someone’s wife, have children, and take care of a home, then a lot of pressures are erased. They don’t feel they “should” be financially contributing to the family. Their role and their work are clearly defined. While I believe every girl has the right to be whatever she wants to be, including a homemaker, I can acknowledge that an awful lot of guilt seems to weigh on the former working woman who decides to stay at home. There’s the feeling that you just aren’t doing enough. There’s the guilt of knowing how much you could be contributing financially, but aren’t. There’s also the feeling that you need to explain your choice, as if electing to be a stay at home mom isn’t a worthy aspiration. Seemingly, the more skilled and educated you are, the more this choice is called into question.
I believe every woman needs to have the capability to provide for herself and her children. I also believe that the opportunity to stay at home, raise your children, and care for your husband and house is a blessing. I just wish I knew how to combine the two and erase the confusion, doubt, and guilt. Maybe the Gypsies have it right, maybe not. But, you have to respect a culture where the women are proud to be wives and mothers and the men provide without question.
What do you think?
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