The teacher Q had last year at preschool, I had noticed,
always looks at her husband with adoration. The glow of love on her face would light any
room, and most certainly warms the heart of her husband. I want
that. I want to know how to do
that. I want to view my husband with
adoration, rather than the irritation I know I must show all too often. I started thinking of how I could accomplish
that and why I wasn’t able to do that now.
So, of course, it all became Jeff’s fault.
I needed him to be more in tune with me and with our
girls. I needed him to be aware of our
feelings, to be able to read our body language, and to sense when our spirits
were deflated. I felt sorry for
myself. I wondered how I could get
through to a passive aggressive man, how I could make him be better, so we
could have a better relationship, so I could adore him. I had managed to miss the point completely.
The Lord sent me a very strong message tonight in Bible class,
which only the willfully ignorant could miss.
We examined many verses tonight, but they all had a similar theme. Two in particular screamed for my attention. The first is Proverbs 13:10, which says, “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is
found in those who take advice.” I
have a very good friend who is constantly counseling me on how to be a better
wife and mother. If I were smart, I’d
listen more to her council, and less to my selfish, childish desires. Yes – I do want Jeff to be more in tune with
me, to be more aware of feelings, body language, and my spirit. There is nothing wrong in wanting that. The error comes in punishing him, and
sabotaging my marriage, when he does not do what I want or what I think he
should. I can’t control Jeff or force
him to do anything. By embracing my
pride, I am only breeding quarrels.
Perhaps I should take a step back and view our marriage from Jeff’s eyes
– that would indeed be a humbling experience.
I want Jeff to extend grace to me when I fall short - if not grace, then certainly mercy. I want my mistakes to be instantly forgiven
and forgotten – not stored carefully away on a rolodex for memories. I want to be treated like I matter, like I am
important, and mostly, like I am loved. When I am childish and hateful, (no seriously,
it does happen) I want to be swallowed in a warm, loving embrace. Seeing that these are the things I want and desire, are they the same things I am extending and bestowing?
For those of you who
are familiar with the Bible, the second verse should come as no surprise. Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” I expect so much from my mate and am giving
him little to nothing of what I desire for myself. I have been humbled and rebuked by my God,
and I accept it.
Perhaps the best way to have the adoration that I DO FEEL
for Jeff to be apparent on my face is to treat him the way I want to be
treated. Sound familiar? It’s what we
commonly refer to as the Golden Rule and can be found in Matthew 7:12.
How tiresome it must be to only have our faults remembered,
but never our assets. To be reminded of
our shortcomings, but never our victories.
To be treated with contempt and derision rather than love and respect. I have not been a good wife. I
have not served as an example to my daughters, nor have I been doing much that
would win my husband over. If I want to
be viewed through the eyes of love, I need to see through the eyes of love.
I am married to a kind, sweet, generous man. He works hard for his family and gives us
everything he can. Though I often greet
him with a sharp tongue, he seldom reciprocates. He loves me the best way he knows how, with
everything he has. His patience is
pretty longsuffering, and compared to mine, a flat out miracle. I love him, and need to do a better job
showing it, and showcasing it, to him, our daughters, and the world.
It’s 12:01 am, and my wonderful husband just came around the
corner to kiss me and wish me a Happy Birthday.
Ok, Lord. I hear you, the message
is received. I have a good husband, one
I need to treat with honor and respect.
I will submit to your will and love my husband the way you call me to. It’s my birthday – what better gift could
there be than to build a Godly marriage?
Perhaps reading my rather embarrassing admissions sparked a flame in you. If your relationship isn’t what you want it to be, are you sowing seeds of discord or seeds of reconciliation? I was looking at our marriage all wrong, and my pride was wreaking havoc. Don't let your pride destroy what was intended to be beautiful and long lasting.
Thanks for reading – take care.
